In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
