Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
