A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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