I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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