Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
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Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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