I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
