He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
