just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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