I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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