in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
