how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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