he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
