Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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