You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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