her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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