Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize