so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
