she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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