you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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