8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
