if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is my gift to your gina
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
