I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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