Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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