mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
