My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
