Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
