I'm really into asian looking animals
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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