He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
