it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
