Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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