How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
