Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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