Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
