he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
