he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The feeling are messing with the penis
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
