I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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