there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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