I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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