i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
