1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish you could order shots online.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
