mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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