you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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