this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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