Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
vagina is talking i cant
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
