the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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