Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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