I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
