spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
