What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
