Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She told me I should be a condom model.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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