when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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