Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
