no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
