FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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