whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
