batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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