i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
