My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
