I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
