The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so let's talk penis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
