thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
