Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can I color on your dick again?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
