I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
