After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
