Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
