How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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