i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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