operation harelip BJ is a go
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
