i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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